As a parent, of course I want to give my kids more opportunities than I had when I was their age. So, last summer I signed them up for several day camps – mostly sports related. They hated all of them – from basketball to golf and mixed sports including swimming – there wasn’t a day that went by that they didn’t complain. 

Lessons learned? While all kids are different, I thought I would share what I learned about my kids with the thinking that someone out there is probably going through something similar. 

They want to be part of the decision. But, when I ask for input on a specific camp or idea, their knee- jerk reaction is “no.” I started to make a list of things to do this summer and they did not add anything to the list. So, our family therapist recommended adding things like, “Russian School of Math” to the list. That got their attention and engagement on the topic immediately (no offense to Russian School of Math!). We talked about better ideas together and replaced Russian School of Math with something more acceptable to them. 

They want to be with friends. This is a tough one. Every friend has a summer plan that includes sports camps, local recreation camps, travel to see family, and more. Coordination is tough, but I try to arrange one week or even a few days of the summer when the boys can spend time with at least one of their friends. When coordination is a success, we try to do fun things all week like Summer Olympics, swimming at the lake, and hiking to make it feel like ‘Camp Tempesta,’ their own private camp. 

They are experiencing nearly overwhelming social anxiety when thinking about joining a new group of kids. I’ve heard them say, “I only want to do things with kids in my grade.” Or, “I don’t know anyone else going, so I don’t want to go.” How do I respond to this? First, I validate their feelings. And, then I remember the conversations Dan and I had with Megghan Thompson about their anxiety and I remind them of who they really are – strong, smart, talented kids. Here’s a video from Megghan Thomson on social anxiety.

They avoid embarrassment at all costs. I have on repeat, “the only way to get good at something is to practice it.” And, yet as soon as they feel incompetent at whatever it is they’re trying, their first instinct is to give up. They are impatient and do whatever they can to avoid embarrassing themselves. They have an extremely low threshold for embarrassment. I learned that even me cheering for a team at a professional game embarrasses them. As does me striking up a conversation with someone I’ve never met. We are their best role models. So, I'll keep doing things in front of them that I'm not great at, cheering for the home team, and I'll continue to talk to new people. They will see that there is only upside to all these things and absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. 

This summer, I’m helping them find programs and activities they feel great about. We’ll be working on feeling more comfortable and confident meeting new people. And, I’ll be enjoying as much time with them as I can – after all, this may be the last summer they think it’s OK to hang out with mom!

Here's to a fantastic summer!

P.S. The picture above was the highlight of last summer. We had the opportunity to hand-feed this super handsome and totally gentle rhinoceros at The Wilds, one of the largest animal conservation centers in the world and located in southeast, Ohio.